Micro Mamma: The Good, The Bad and... The Cute

**I do realize that this is a little outdated. I wrote it weeks ago and thought that it published. It did not. I blame the sleep deprivation for not noticing.**

I've been attempting to keep this thing more updated that I have in the past but every time I sat down to write lately it felt like I was being too negative.... But then I realized that I want to remember all of this - the good and the bad. Not that there's all this bad but, I guess it's just that life with Sawyer is a little different (so far) than I thought it would be and it's been a bit frustrating at times. It's also been amazing and wonderful and full of adorable moments but when I started to write about it, and write about life and how it is having two adorable boys, and how things are different and how we are all doing I just couldn't figure out how to say the good without saying the bad. And then I realized I didn't want to. Because no matter how hard things are now, or how frustrating, they will not be this way forever. One day, I will miss these days. And I want to have a place to remember all of it. Sawyer is definitely not a bad kid either! He's so stinking CUTE! I don't know how me and Sean keep making these cute babies. He is, as of today, 7 1/2 weeks old. And he started smiling at about 6 weeks. Mother's Day weekend actually! My new favorite thing to do is to make him smile. He has sort of a crooked little grin where his mouth only goes up on one side that will melt your heart. I have yet to capture this on film because he won't cooperate with me. Or more amusingly, I try to take a picture but the flash makes him scrunch up his face and close his eyes so he ends up looking like he's crying. But I am determined! I will get a pic one day. He is however a little more needy, more high maintenance than Blayne was. Blayne was not colicky when he was a baby. I never really even knew what that meant. But I know now.... Personally I imagine that God knew about how much we could handle with Blayne and decided that him having Hirschsprung's was enough. Haha! So Sawyer, at around two weeks of age, started acting fussy in the evenings. (This was amazing timing since at 2 weeks of age, Sean went back to work and my mom was super busy at work so I was all alone for the first time with two boys!) At first I thought it was just a little upset stomach or whatever. Maybe something that I was eating or drinking. I tried cutting out coffee, milk and soymilk (which actually did seem to make a slight difference). But nothing really helped. It normally happened in the afternoons or evenings, he would just get fussy and fidgety and irritable. He would wake up to eat and then couldn't settle back down. He would sleep for a min or two then start wiggling all around - Blayne says he wobbles - and wake himself up. Or he would be good and asleep and then wake up crying. And he would look so tired but he just couldn't fall asleep and stay asleep. All he wanted was for me to be holding him or wearing him in the wrap or Baby Bjorn, he liked to be sitting up, and I needed to be walking or moving. I got some Gripe Water which helped a little. I guess. I mean, it didn't make it stop or anything. I remember having dinner at a friends house when he was maybe 4 weeks old and everyone was sort of teasing me about the fact that I couldn't stop moving! I just put Sawyer in the Bjorn and kept walking. The reason this was so frustrating to me though was because of Blayne - it was hard enough that I couldn't do all the things we used to do together but add in a crying baby who won't lay down in the evenings for more than 10 min and it made it impossible for me to play with Blayne, read to Blayne, or tuck him in or really do much of anything besides stand and watch him play. I was having a hard time dealing with that shift anyways and having a fussy baby just made it harder. Oh and because of Sean's schedule - he doesn't get home till 9:30 at night so I was on my own trying to keep Sawyer happy and not ignore Blayne and even more than that, I wanted to play with Blayne! But it took me a while to realize this was more than just being a little cry-y in the evenings. I finally got out my trusty Dr. Sears Baby Book and realized that Sawyer fit the classic definition of a colicky baby. And then there were all these suggestions for how to help settle him down, most of which I was doing anyways (babywearing is big with Dr. Sears) but what I really wanted was for Sawyer to just be able to sleep when he was tired! I mean, as frustrated as I was getting, just imagine him! He's hurting or uncomfortable and can't figure out why, can't tell me why, doesn't know how to fix it and it's so bad that he can't even sleep. And I thought I was irritated! So life has been.... different than I thought it would be. I don't know how many times I said or thought, "Having a new baby won't be that hard, I mean they sleep all the time!" Haha. Not this kid! Today for example, he was up from 10:30am to 5pm with maybe an hour of napping (15 min her and there) in between. Definitely NOT NORMAL for a newborn. And not what I was expecting either! And unfortunately, when he's awake like that, he's not happy about it. He's tired and cranky and just wants to be held or laid with or nursed to sleep. Which would be fine, if I didn't have a rambunctious 4 year old who wants to play and loves to be outside all the time. It just makes things difficult sometimes. So there you have it. That's the bad. And it's not really all that bad. I mean we are certainly not the first to have a fussy baby in the evenings (now I know why it's the witching hour!) and he will grow out of it (someday... I hope....) and I know we'll look back and think it was all so quick (even if it doesn't seem that way now). Here's the good, what I like about this. When Sawyer is upset, he wants me. He can't really settle himself down in a bed and I like to think it's because I AM his bed. I'm his home. As soon as I stick him right up next to me, he quiets down (normally). So I put him in the Bjorn and start walking. And then he just looks at me. Just sorta stares like he's memorizing me or something! And I hold his little hands or his little feet and walk. And eventually he drifts off. And that's how he's happy! He doesn't like to be laid down, he just wants to be with me. I love seeing Blayne with him. Blayne will tell me if Sawyer is crying and I don't go get him right away. Today, he went and got some of his sleepy music to play in the living room to try and settle Sawyer down. He never gets angry or upset when I can't play with him because Sawyer is strapped to me. He's much more understanding (even than I am) and just loves on Sawyer. He wants to kiss him and play with him all the time. When Sawyer is crying, he'll say 'I think he just wants to hang out with me, right Mom?' And I tell him he's right of course, I mean who wouldn't want to hang out with Blayne?!? He is awesome. Most people say that colic only lasts the first three months or so. And while right now, that seems like forever away, now that I'm thinking about all the things I love about it, I'm sorta hoping it stays that far away. A little. I mean... let's not get crazy. =)